Liveblogging the KDP Fundraiser!!! (Let the Mean begin)

7:15- I am here, with my lovely B&P photographer/assistant, Kimberly.

My good friend Sam Wise and I kissed and made up. Well, he bought he a bourbon and it warmed my heart, I should say. With bourbon, all is forgiven (or with enough, forgotten).

Here at press row, we have a sickening collection a blogger rabble/scum. Jake Payne is here holding court over the Homafia, making snide comments about people's ugly ties and shoes. Jake also has an "assistant"... we are the only bloggers with one, which obviously means that we are the shit.

Ben Ray is here with a snazzy camera, bemoaning the walking, talking delusion that is the Hillary Clinton campaign. Ben tells me that he actually makes money with What's Required... I still don't know how such a thing is done. I was upset to find out yesterday that the one penny B&P has earned through advertising is no longer there, meaning my blog has made negative one cent in the past month. I need to set up a bribe box on the right and start raking in the cents.

Met the uber-sweet writer Steven George of LEO.

More in a bit.

7:32- OK, the less interesting Politicos. I looked down and saw Bruce Lunsford coming over to the press table to glad hand people. The little man had no clue who I was.

Greg Fischer also here. He treated me the same as always, with complete indifference, and a soft monotone voice with no inflection. But he's a good man.

Jolly Jeremy Horton came over and said hi. I saw Jennifer Moore walk by... Jake said there would be no wardrobe insults towards her tonight, since she apparently hooked us up with wi-fi. In fact, after I found that out, I finally realized what a political genius she is, and how she is sure to lead the KDP into a position of dominance for many years to come............

Thom Karmic (KDP Communications dude) came by to say hi.

Olivia Fux keeps coming over to kiss Jake's ass. It's getting really uncomfortable. Please stop, Olivia.

Johnny Yarmuth is doing a TV interview right in front of me. Ben Ray jumping in to join the fray. (I'm worried that my assistant and I stole Ben's chair, but it looks like he's doing actual work).

8:00- Jennifer Moore just started things off with a speech to get the "festivities" rolling.

Now we have a big 'ole religious sermon that is making me uncomfortable. Talk of Unions. My assistant snorted. Heads turned. The Lord is angry.

Jennifer Moore led the Pledge of Allegiance. Jake didn't stand, but only because he was busy typing (no, actually he hates America. And God). I started saying the Lord's Prayer, accidentally. Hey come on, it's been a while.

8:07- Gov. Beshear is in. the. building. The crowding is flat out buzzing....

Jen Moore is droning on endlessly, naming people. Jake's assistant and my assistant are my entertainment at this point.

8:17- OK, folks. John Yarmuth, our best progressive Democrat, is giving a great speech right now about beating John McCain, and guess what? Hillary's supporters are heckling him. You read that correctly, they are heckling him. How classless. How stupid. Wow.

8:19- The National Press just SWARMED in. Which means that HillRod is in the building.

8:23- Mongiardo speaking now. The Homafia is hating on him. I mean HATING. They are saying that he's faking his accent. And they are ripping his eyebrow waxer. Remember thats not my opinion. That is the opinion of the dirty, immoral gays that are all around me. (And they prefer to be called the Gay Political Mafia, and they say they will never forgive him for co-sponsoring the Marriage Amendment in 2004.... again, that's just what they're screaming at me right now.) He also called it the "Democrat" Party, which caused Jake to go into a fit.

8:30- Steve Beshear coming out to loud rap music wit kicking bass.

"Democrats problem solvers, not problem makers". George Bush bad. Using the McCain "my friends", line. Going back to the old Fletcher indictment jokes... that comedy is like soooo 2007. Calling out Mitch McConnell now-- ditching Mitch has really been the only big applause of the entire night. This just in: KY Democrats hate Mitch McConnell. Beshear ended the speech building to big applause, then walked off to the thumpin bass of Kool and the Gang.

Here comes Hillary! No wait, she isn't, the Hillary supporters are just having an orgy of anticipation. Its like Golden Girls Gone Wild in here.

8:57- Still nothing. Drunk big shots mingling. Bored press mingling.

Apparently I missed the biggest line of the night, from Steve Beshear. Something about the Republican Party not being problem solvers, the only problem solver would be Dick Cheney if he took Bush on a hunting trip. I didn't hear it, but two other people I've talked to did.

Steve Beshear has allegedly joined the Order of the Shrill.

9:03- Speaking of death jokes, a College Democrat just suggested I label a post "Kentucky Hosts Clinton Camp Funeral". So, so shrill in this room.

9:16- Hillary just took the stage, and now Terry McBre... no, some crusty old guy, just decided to bash Obama, and got a bunch of loud boos. The line was something about Heather Rene French telling him that they should make some milk carton's with Obama's face on it, since he can't be found in KY. This old guy neglects to mention Obama was here campaigning for Mongiardo in 2004 and Yarmuth in 2006. Besides, I thought French and McB only talked about Demolition Derby.

Hillary on now, saying that we will unite behind our candidate.

Talking about the crook Jerry Lundergan, who is running things for Hillary here in Kentucky. Says when Lundergan called her and said the KY Dem Party needs money, she came in to raise money. Actually, to say it more correctly, when the corrupt Lundergan drained the KDP bankrupt, Hillary came in to bail him out.

9:26- Hillary's voice is about gone. Looks and sounds tired.

Wow. She sounds like Bea Aurthur. Que Alanis.

Really bad Louisville Slugger joke. Yes, it involves going to bat for you. Ha. Ha.

Hasn't gone negative on Obama at all so far.

Came out big for the clean coal boondoggle. Bold move with WV and KY coming up. Will also enforce mine safety regulations. Jim Gooch booed.

Here comes the gas tax holiday boondoggle....

Wants to get tough on China! grrr.... "China will be trade partner, not trade master"

Went with the Stuart Smalley, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough" line...

No Child Left Behind Outta here

9:43- Voice cracking....

Still not negative....

Ohhhh.... wait. Saying that she can win the electoral votes. Here's the delusional strategy to take the nomination coming out, at last. But she didn't do it very forcefully. Nothing too bad.

"I'm no shrinking violet"-- Golden Girls go nuts.

Jake needs to stop G-chatting me and focus on the reality that Hillary has Obama right where she wants him. This nomination is sooo hers.\

Making a knock at Obama for not being there. Golden Girls ripping their clothes off.

Speech over. God Bless America. Thank Heavens.

9:53- Heading for the exit. Heather Ryan stopped over to say. That might be all, folks.

Oh, Hurricane Lisa Tanner came by to say hi too. And Richard Becker, of Ace Weekly fame.

Jake writes: "she will bring free pills and botox to every cougar lady in the land"

By the way, Barack Obama is the only man that can fill this room. And he will. Sooner rather than later. Truss me.